Crying Won't Help Me Now
by tjmack
Summary: Claire finally deals with Charlie's death


**This one-shot popped into my mind since we haven't really seen Claire grieve over Charlie. It's sad really, that Charlie died in such a sad and unselfish way, and they don't even mention it now. **

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Crying Won't Help Me Now

Summary: Claire finally deals with Charlie's death.

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Claire sat huddled onto the small couch, in the small living room, of the small house that had now became her home. Her knees hugged to her chest, fresh tear tracks done her face. There was now a hole in her where Charlie used to be, and the fact that he was really dead was just now hitting her. She assumed that she had blocked the information so she could be strong, so she could prove to everyone she was strong, but sitting her now. Looking like she had went back into time was a now a teen aged girl, crying over a boyfriend who had stood her up. She knew that she wasn't strong, she was weak.

She sniffed hard, trying to stop the new batch of tears that wanted to fall, from falling. She rocked herself back and forth, trying to get her mind to go anywhere but Charlie. She failed horribly, considering just about every memory she had on this island had to do with Charlie. He had become a huge part of her life, and she had started to fall for him. She sighed loudly, as she gave in and let her mind wonder. Wonder to better days, before her entire world came crashing down on top of her, crushing her entire being.

She let her head fall back against the couch, as she closed her eyes. She needed to feel close to Charlie, and her memories were the only way she could. She closed her eyes tighter when all she saw was the blackness, that indeed meant she was staring at the back of her eyelids.

"Dammit" she cursed loudly, before screaming at herself afraid she might have woken Aaron.

He had be hard to get to sleep tonight. She knew after the first hour of trying that Aaron really wanted Charlie, but unfortunately Charlie wasn't there to rock him gently to sleep. She swiped angrily at the new batch of tears that had edged themselves to the edge of her eyes, trying to fall down her already tear streaked cheeks. Charlie wouldn't want this, he wouldn't want Claire to cry like this. He wouldn't want her to hurt like. Wouldn't want her to feel like her world had ended, when it had most definitely not. She still had Aaron, she still had the ability to live, but did she have the courage to keep on. To go on, without him.

She shook her head at herself, she had to have the courage to go on. Aaron needed her, he needed her more than she needed Charlie. Yeah that would be the thing to get her through this time. She unhooked her arms from around her knees, letting them sink down onto the floor. She placed one hand on the arm of the couch, and the other right in the middle, trying to push herself up. Her knees shook slightly under the added weight. She held firmly onto the couch, making sure that they wouldn't give out on her. After a few moments, she slowly made her way toward the bedroom in the back.

Locke had given her one of the houses with two rooms in it, telling her that she could have one room, and Aaron could have the other. That would have been fine, by all means that would have been fine. Except for the fact that it wasn't, she needed Aaron close to her. She had already lost Charlie, and on more than one occasion, Aaron. She wouldn't lose him again, if it was the last thing she did.

She braced her hands on the sides of the small hand-made crib that Locke had fished from the beach side campsite. She let one hand gently stroke Aaron's chubby cheek. She watched as one lone tear landed just beside his head, barely missing him, which probably would have awoken him, had it hit him. Her eyes caught the glimmer of an object, just beside were Aaron's small body lay in the crib. She carefully dove her hand in, clenching it in her fist, before pulling back up and out of his crib. Her breath caught in her throat, as her fingers moved a crossed the small sliver ring. Moving with the two letters, and she then realized that Charlie knew he wasn't going to come back. Why else would have left his ring in Aaron's crib. She placed the ring on her thumb, knowing it being too big for any of her other fingers.

She placed her hand on Aaron's softly falling stomach for a moment, before pulling his small blanket up. Insuring it was secure enough for him, before turning back for the door. She cradled her ring baring hand close to her chest, as her heart began to break all over again. She walked past the kitchen counter, where she had haphazardly tossed the note Locke had brought back with him. He had told her that Desmond gave it too him, saying that Charlie wanted her to have it, in case something happened to him. Locke had done as he was told, and gave the water-stained notebook paper to her, and watched as she tossed it on the counter. She let her hand fall against the now rough paper, before picking it up. She felt hot tears prick at her eyes, as she blinked them hard, trying to suppress another crying fit.

She slowly made her way back toward the couch, intent on reading Charlie's last words to her. She folded her legs underneath her, intent on not having another crying fit. 'Crying won't help me now. Charlie wouldn't want it, and dammit neither do I' she chastised herself, before carefully unfolding the paper, not wanting to rip it.

She carefully read it from top to bottom, and smiled softly at each of them, each sounding very much like Charlie. She got down to number two, felt as a small sob caught in her throat. He was a hero, even though he had died to get them all saved, he had still been very brave, and dammit he was a hero at least to Claire he was. Her eyes shifted to his number one, and could no longer hold in the sob that had caught in her throat, as a small amount of tears cascaded down her flushed cheeks. She was his number one. Out of everything he had done in his life, meeting her was his number one. She slowly closed her eyes as she went back to their first meeting, equally as glad as Charlie, that they had met.

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_**Beginning of Flashback**_

_She held herself up with one hand, as she carefully lowered herself down onto the make-shift chair, that Jack had fixed up for her. Pulling her blanket up, trying to keep the chill out. Staring out into space, praying that someone would come soon._

"_Hi ya," he said, that charming smile of his, plastered on his face. Looking at him right then, I wasn't sure why he was talking to me. Beside Jack, and Hurley, no one else had given me the time of day. _

"_Do you want a blanket?" He asked me, even as he looked at me, with my own blanket pulled up over top my bulging belly. _

_I smile kindly at him, "Oh, thanks I got one," I reply, pointing to my small ragged looking blanket._

"_Well, your warming for two, take mine" He spoke genuinely, and I had no choice but to smile at him. No one else would be so kind as to offer the pregnant girl there blanket. _

"_Thank you," I say, as I reach for his blanket, not wanting to turn him down again. _

_He nods at me, as I pull the blanket around me. He slowly lowers himself down next to me, warming his hands in the fire. _

"_So, first plane crash," he says, trying to hold a serious face as he says it._

"_What gave it away?" I asked, trying to keep the playful banter up, loving the easy conversation that had set in. _

"_You can always spot the newbies," he says, as his head cocks to the side, a lopsided grin on his face. _

_I have no choice but to laugh lightly at his joke. _

"_We're gonna be okay, you know," he says, his voice soft and sweet, as he tries to reassure me._

"_Are we?" I ask, not certain of his words, and in desperate need of conformation that we would indeed be fine._

"_We're alive, on a beautiful island. Sleep under the stars, and before you know it, the helicopters will come and take us all home," he says as he flashes me a small reassuring smile. His words sink in, and although I'm a little skeptical at believing them, I know he's just trying to help. It's sweet of him, giving his blanket up, and then trying to reassure the pregnant girl that she most generally will not have her baby on a godforsaken island, with only one doctor, who didn't exactly specialize in the area of delivering babies. _

"_You really think they'll find us?" I find myself asking, still not quite reassured enough. _

"_Well yeah, why wouldn't they?" He answers, a look of faith on his face, and I have no choice but to believe in his words this time. So calming and pure, as if he knew that the helicopters would come any day now to take her home. _

"_Thanks," I say to him, as he nods his head towards me, a silent way of telling me that I'm welcome. _

"_I'm Charlie," he says, as he reaches out his hand for me to shake. _

"_I'm Claire, nice to meet you Charlie," I say, shaking his hand as firmly as I can. _

"_It's nice to meet you," He says, as we both offer up a small smile. _

_**End of Flashback**_

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Claire carefully wiped away the newly formed tears in her eyes, as she sit the paper down beside her. She heard a soft knock on the door. She slowly lifted herself from the couch, and walked toward the door. She opened it slowly, not really caring who was on the other side.

"Hi," Hurley said, a sheepish look on his face, when he realized that Claire had been crying.

"I miss him," she finally admitted, not needing to feel strong in front of Hurley, and let the tears fall freely from her eyes.

"Me too Claire, me too," He said, as he wrapped one arm around her, trying to comfort her, as he carefully shut the door behind him.

"Why him? Why did he have to die?" Claire asked Hurley, as if he could answer it.

He sat down on the couch, letting Claire's head fall against his chest, as he rubbed her back soothingly.

"I don't know Claire. All I can say is, life isn't fair more times than it is. I guess it was just a cruel test that life is dealing you. Testing to see how strong you are, testing to see if you can pull yourself up and go on living without him," Hurley paused for a moment, trying to find an easy way to say what's been on his mind.

"I'm worried about you Claire," he said, deciding the blunt way was the easiest.

"Why?" Claire asked, as she sat up slightly.

"You've not been yourself. You've been keeping yourself locked inside this house. I mean you haven't been outside once since we've came here. Locke's had to bring you food, because you haven't been joining us for our group dinners. I guess...I'm just afraid you might do something rash," he said, not looking her in the eye as he said it.

"Are you saying that you think I'd hurt myself? Is that what your saying?" she asked, her tone turning from that of anguish to that of anger.

"Well, it's just...you and Charlie were close, and now your closing yourself off from everyone. It fits is all," Hurley said, still unable to meet her eyes.

"You think that I would do that, knowing I have a son that I have to take care of?" Claire bit angrily. Not knowing if she was really angry at Hurley for thinking it, or at herself for thinking about doing it herself.

"I don't know Claire, I just know that during times of grief...sometimes people don't think things through clearly. I just wanted to make sure you're okay," Hurley answered, becoming a little frightened from Claire's sudden burst of anger.

"That I'm okay? The man I love just died Hurley. He drowned so that each and everyone of us would get off this damned island, but I guess the joke's on us considering those damned people aren't here to save us. He died for nothing, he died without purpose. He was stolen from me, taken unfairly, but you wanna know if I'm okay. How about you go back to your cozy little home, think about how you felt when Libby died, and then come back here and ask me if I'm freaking okay," Claire screamed at him, before leaping off the couch.

"Look, I'm sorry Claire. I just...I think I should leave," he said, standing up, and backing towards the door.

"I think that would be really freaking great, because I don't really feel like chatting right now, if you can't tell," she bit, sarcasm dripping hastily from her words.

Hurley shook his head, before shutting the door behind him. He wasn't a foot from the house when he heard her scream loudly.

"Dammit Charlie..why, why did you have to die. Why did you have to leave me, broken and alone. Bitter and angry, yelling at our friends. Why," She begged, needing answer, as she slid down in front of the couch, and clenched her knees to her chest again, and rocked herself slowly and gently. Slowly she fell into a restless sleep, her head laying back against the couch.


End file.
